i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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