My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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