Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
