I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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