I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
