is wine microwaveable?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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