so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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