Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
