GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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