FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
