i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
