I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't notice because vodka
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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