I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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