Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
