so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
