is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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