She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
You're a waste of cheezeits
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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