dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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