does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
