I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
