That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
