5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
