I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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