yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
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