Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Drake has all the answers
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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