I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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