YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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