Kiss
Puke
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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