I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
