My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
