Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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