I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
