Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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