So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
