He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
