Me too!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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