got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
