I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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