An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
