I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
