I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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