Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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