how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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