his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
