So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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