yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
