I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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