And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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