I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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