Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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