Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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