You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
