We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
